september come

with or without me wanting it. 

what a bummer. i have actually typed a lengthy post earlier, only to realize that only half was captured. 

now i am back, trying to not having any writer's block (that's what they called it, right?)

so basically, i was itching trying to typed something. since early in the morning on friday. 

it was a public holiday, in conjunction with prophet muhammad s.a.w birthday. 

what started like a normal day off, ended up with me writing into my colour-ful with pen of quotes notebook. a notebook i accidentally started writing into collecting quotes i wrote in multi-coloured pen i have. trying to make them into purposes, along with so many notebooks i bought from noko. 

now, we had dinner and then proceeds with buying groceries. yeap, from that 24-hour operating grocer within our area. 

after we came back, we all had to take a shower. 

what was supposed to be a getting-ready-for-bed kind of shower actually leads me to still staying awake at this hour. (it's 1.53 am already. blogspot, you better don't messed up again.....)

i was having a rush of thoughts. the usuals. the ones i used to have when there's too many things that my brain needs to process and it just decided to have it's own explosion of things to be think about. 

it makes me recalled that, i wanted to write about my upbringing that shaped me today. 

one, of how ummi taught us to always do things wholeheartedly. 

always ensure things are kept in progress and completed accordingly. 

her words i put it, "buat kerja biar sempurna. buat apa-apa, buat dengan kedua-dua tangan"

and that kind of ways of upbringing, i guess leads to some part of my ocd-ness.

BUT wait, i am not that all the time tidying person, or all item must be aligned at all the time (thought i have the tendency to keep things the way it is and staying the same all the time), and my house is not the spotless clean. 

however, because of that sometimes i noticed i have that unspoken rules. 

when i do dishwashing, it has to be properly clean with dish soap, rinse thoroughly and dried properly. in the early days when we moved into our little crib, i would actually wiped my plates with clean dry clothes and immediately stored them back. (now no more la. i have a dish rack which i can place them to dry with time)

or sometimes when i am in charge of prepping meals, the kitchen would kind of be, extremely clean, no stain left not being scrubbed and no pots left unwashed. 

but i am still no where near of ummi's standard when it come to that. hehe. it's just that kind of upbringing causing me to behave in such way that i don't tolerate some asal-boleh things at home. 

other than that, i also realize, recently, the way i was trained to make selection of clothes and styles has always been practical against trends. 

and because of that, to date at the age of 37, i still choose comfort in jeans and loose blouses or shirts for a day out and always almost all the time in shoes or sneakers. and my flipflops have to be real comfort. 

but what actually kind of make me realize on this is when one of my niece pointed out that i do have the same tendency of choosing the same style for all my kurungs. 

so and so, it became kind of predictable already. 

i hardly have or own fancy kurungs. it has always been either mini kurungs, kurung kedah or pesak kurung. or riau kurung.

see, all the comfort of choices. 

that's just how ummi have always taught me to be. 

and i guess, that's fine though. anyone else who's in the same shoes?

turning 20

this space, of mine, 
would probably turned 20 soon? i found it as a safe space to write my thoughts, my emotion, my life, my own journey, with insecurities, with sleepless night and, i technically, grow here too. 

i was 18 probably, when i started blogging here. it was the kind of trend back then. some people, who's famous now, started here. making money and fame. 

but for me, this is where part of my life were stored. 

i just read a few post i posted back in 2013. 12 years ago. 

on a few moments of life that i have actually forgotten about and maybe today was reminded about so that it helped me making another decision at a junction?

i still don't know why. i guess someday i'll understand. 
it feels a bit more free for me to use this space nowadays. where lesser people are here. some may have already forgotten about it as there are many other social medias available. 

who would have thought an era of tiktok and instagram would ever emerged from blogspot, myspace and friendster?

life has changed, responsibilities has been added more than the last time. and critical decisions are awaiting in line almost every other day. 
but life?
life goes on. time? 
it didn't stop for any seconds. 

it makes me think that sometimes it's tiring to race against all the time left after all work and other things constantly demanded out of me. that all time left is left for me to sleep. to forget about the troubles i have had in my mind. 

but i also forget that problems, they don't get solve on their own. it takes me to face it head on.

but this space would probably remain my favourite. until next mood comes kicking in!