20200530

random memories of today,

a few days back i would actually wanted to post something different.
some sort of a memoir or a piece of memories of what is actually going on around the world. in my surrounding. but of course, i could never be bothered to log on and type it out.

and here i am. trying hard to post something and actually doing in over my phone. instead of typing using laptop.

today specifically is a rare day of most. beginning with usual routines. on some random weekends i could actually woke up slightly early than usual and today was actually cause there was a call from a colleague.

“not gonna pick up a call from anyone from work” that’s what my brain and my heart literally doing their wonders.

hence, a couple more minutes of dozing off before my alarm strikes at 8.20am.

it’s the time of the month hence no need to worry about subuh.

days started with me folding clothes while husband makes breakfast. one of our nephew has been spending time with us. qada’ raya or so we call it. he missed his first day raya cause he was still in the ward. blame it to aedes mosquitoes.

days goes on and today we’re supposed to have our raya 2.0 with another two boys joining later.

for the very first time, i made chicken curry. we have a lot on table today. almost all raya delicacies are spreadthrough. minus ketupat and kuah lodeh. we even got burasak on the table.

i was getting ready to had my meal, when news dropped.

it was something i guessed right on point. bullseyes. someone was proposed. took me a while to process and contained myself. i was torn in between being happy and scared the same time. this someone is one of a few very important person in my whole life.

while processing and arranging my thoughts i literally forced myself to finish off whatever there was on my plate and forced myself to taste husband’s sambal goreng. food went down, little of them. but i was already full.

guess my brain was refusing more food intake around then.

took a deep breath and replied the text. giving my blessings and support and put the matters aside.

but something has been bothering.

to be truth, i was having a headache probably from the americano i had during breakfast. and after i get the room to myself for the night, i sank into a mixed emotion.

secured myself with the earphones, tune in to youtube. hoping to sing a long a few piano version of songs only to having an emotion breakdown.

literally cried my heart out but, i don’t really know what i was crying for. but it’s always best to just let it all out.

and by the time i’m typing this i am still figuring out to why i cried earlier. maybe i should just blame it to the hormones. it is the time of the month anyway.

i’m gonna end it now and let my future self try to remember what happened earlier of maybe by then i would have already forgotten about today.

who knows?

notes: just as i always randomly post here. this is also another one of them. 

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