20200811

corporate world,

aku kira, september akan jadi tahun kesembilan bergelumang dalam dunia korporat. 

dunia pekerjaan. 

dalam masa sembilan tahun tu juga, aku dah berkhidmat dia lima syarikat berbeza. tenure paling lama, dengan syarikat yang sekarang.

aku graduan jurusan engineering, tapi takdir hidup membawa aku untuk bekerja dalam dunia korporat yang tak ada kait-mengait dengan empat tahun proses pembelajaran di ceruk paling utara dalam negara ni. 

sembilan tahun, lima company. macam-macam yang aku belajar dan aku rasa ada juga sumbangan yang setimpal yang sempat aku tinggalkan. atau paling tidak, senyum manis dan ramah tamah dengan mana2 ex-colleague yang ada. 

it may be too early for me to say with such experience, but i shall just blurt it out.

do know, that there is no such place that is perfect. 

jujur. itu realiti.

dan tak ada satu pun tempat kerja yang aku pernah kerja, without any office politics. dari sekecil2 organisasi apatah lagi yang besar gedabak. 

i've tried not to get involved, but most of the time, i just ended up sitting in the middle of it. 

i guess, itu lah asam garam kehidupan. bekerja dengan orang lain cabaran, bekerja sendiri jangan sangka tak ada terma stress dalam kehidupan kau. 

so why do i blog this?

sebab untuk beberapa hari kebelakangan or to be exact probably weeks and maybe months, i just got tired of managing issues related to this. belum masuk kisah incompetency of certain people that should be leading you and some ignorant people who just thought diorang lagi tinggi dari tuhan. 

so i thought to just write it down so maybe satu hari nanti kalau aku adalah orang yang sukses itu, seperti mana aku definasikan sukses, aku tak buat perangai sampah menyusahkan macam dekat bawah :

no. 1 - obvious favouritism. look, sebagai manusia biasa, it is very normal untuk kau memilih selesa dengan A dari B atau C. But, kau kena tahu, limitasi dengan certain authority yang kau ada, untuk bezakan betul dan salah. friendship or work-ship. (aku tak sure ada ke tak terms tu, guna sengkang lebih mudah). it has come to my attention, yang ada orang simply buta mata buta hati bila favourite people dia buat hal. tapi awas, jangan orang lain yang buat pasal. terus tak sempat hela nafas baru you called them for corrective action. once or twice could be something yang nak dibolayankan. but when it happens too frequently, dengan mudahkan aku hilang hormat. walaupun, sesetengah orang tu paling lemah lembut bahasanya, paling beriman lakunya. you're a leader. act like one. kalau nak ikut buku, untuk semua kau kena ikut buku. kalau tak, dengan semua kau harus rational. 

due to this kind of things, ada dah few times aku terlepas marah. which is not good, sebab aku tak suka nak marah orang luar dari family. kau bukan tanggungjawab aku. aku kira macam tu. '

no. 2 - advantage taker. ni memang bersepah. di mana saja. pantang nampak peluang, menonong ambil apa saja peluang asal dia tak payah susah. look, having connection is good, tapi kalau seronok sangat sailang sana sini, eh, kau salah orang. aku malas layan lagi ada. sebab nanti aku tolong jadi tak ikhlas. buat rugi opportunity aku dapat pahala je. so, kebanyakan masa, aku layankan permintaan kalau aku tengah kesian or aku memang tengah free. selalunya sebab yang pertama tu. ye, aku memang sejenis senang kesian. 

no. 3 - sejenis dah lama menjadi dinosour, tapi bila bab buat kerja termanggu-manggu. ini, aku paling penat nak handle. seriously, your service year dah melayakkan kau menjadi fossil. but, because you're too ignorant or perhaps too complacent, you simply ignore your capabilities and in the end, kau kena susahkan orang lain. aku faham kalau older generations susah nak adapt to technology. dan tak dinafikan ada je ramai older generations yang cekap cekang and up to date. masalah dia jadi adalah, introduction of these techs suppose to help you to reduce waste, reduce resources berbayar dan make it easy. ada yang kau tinggal nak copy paste ke kerja kau je. but, alasan and sebab yang aku selalu dengar "oh tak reti" or "oh tak perasan". paling membosankan, kantoi dengan orang2 yang baru dalam service. like, habis tu selama empat puluh abad kau kerja sini, kau buat apa? menghabiskan beras je? 

at times, aku rasa give up. tapi selalunya ada dalam lingkungan orang yang kerja rapat dengan aku so how could i leave them behind? 

no. 4 - credit taker. pernah dengar kan, lembu punya susu, sapi dapat nama? aku pernah dapat manager yang macam ni. aku sampai menggigil marah sebab punya dah lama bersabar. tau-tau kerja kena sailang, dan boleh buat tak tahu je lepas tu. ini memang leeches. tau kan, lintah kerja dia hisap darah orang? thank god, aku kerja tak lama dengan manager tu. 

aku rasa, cukup dulu kot. lain kali sambung kalau teringat. dah masuk asar dah pun. aku nak sign out kerja awal hari ni. demam. 

semoga bukan sakit yang aneh2. 

tahun 2020 dah masuk ogos. gila masa berlalu entah apa pencapaian aku tahun ni selain boleh masak lauk selain ayam/ikan goreng. lol.

20200530

random memories of today,

a few days back i would actually wanted to post something different.
some sort of a memoir or a piece of memories of what is actually going on around the world. in my surrounding. but of course, i could never be bothered to log on and type it out.

and here i am. trying hard to post something and actually doing in over my phone. instead of typing using laptop.

today specifically is a rare day of most. beginning with usual routines. on some random weekends i could actually woke up slightly early than usual and today was actually cause there was a call from a colleague.

“not gonna pick up a call from anyone from work” that’s what my brain and my heart literally doing their wonders.

hence, a couple more minutes of dozing off before my alarm strikes at 8.20am.

it’s the time of the month hence no need to worry about subuh.

days started with me folding clothes while husband makes breakfast. one of our nephew has been spending time with us. qada’ raya or so we call it. he missed his first day raya cause he was still in the ward. blame it to aedes mosquitoes.

days goes on and today we’re supposed to have our raya 2.0 with another two boys joining later.

for the very first time, i made chicken curry. we have a lot on table today. almost all raya delicacies are spreadthrough. minus ketupat and kuah lodeh. we even got burasak on the table.

i was getting ready to had my meal, when news dropped.

it was something i guessed right on point. bullseyes. someone was proposed. took me a while to process and contained myself. i was torn in between being happy and scared the same time. this someone is one of a few very important person in my whole life.

while processing and arranging my thoughts i literally forced myself to finish off whatever there was on my plate and forced myself to taste husband’s sambal goreng. food went down, little of them. but i was already full.

guess my brain was refusing more food intake around then.

took a deep breath and replied the text. giving my blessings and support and put the matters aside.

but something has been bothering.

to be truth, i was having a headache probably from the americano i had during breakfast. and after i get the room to myself for the night, i sank into a mixed emotion.

secured myself with the earphones, tune in to youtube. hoping to sing a long a few piano version of songs only to having an emotion breakdown.

literally cried my heart out but, i don’t really know what i was crying for. but it’s always best to just let it all out.

and by the time i’m typing this i am still figuring out to why i cried earlier. maybe i should just blame it to the hormones. it is the time of the month anyway.

i’m gonna end it now and let my future self try to remember what happened earlier of maybe by then i would have already forgotten about today.

who knows?

notes: just as i always randomly post here. this is also another one of them. 

20200424

embracing

this year, within the first quarter itself, has hit us all hard.
in ways that we could never imagine.
earlier january, the world was awakened by the arrival of the deadliest virus.
novel corona virus they named it. or the technical people in the laboratory and medical lines named it 2019-nCoV which later easily referred to as covid-19
within days, then weeks when it first surfaced in malaysia, we got shocked
from 23 then the number of positive infected people raise to hundreds within days and with lack of understanding and awareness, the number keep on hiking up
and for the first time in many years, those who lived 2020 in malaysia, witnesses how the current government worked as a unit
we were introduced to movement control order (mco) taking effective 18th march to 31st march.
within a week plus, it got extended until 14th april and later to 28th april and yesterday, in conjunction with the arrival of Ramadan it is once again, extended until 12th may. and our 8th prime minister tan sri muhyidin yassin even said, we may not celebrate raya as usual this year.

that, is one of among the biggest changes in 2020.

in circa 1990, we were expecting flying cars, advanced technology, fancy skyscrapers and lots more.

but when the year actually come, little that we foresee, working from home is the new norm for most industries. at my workplace especially. many of us learnt to pick up skills to communicate virtually. suddenly everyone knows how to use microsoft team, then zoom became boom, skype, webex, google meet and many more. even the baby boomers in the group are forced to learn.

my own mom & dad pick up whatsapp video call, something they reluctant to before as they were afraid of scammers etc.

within the past month, there were a lot of time available for us to choose to use wisely. i on the other hand, have some sloppy days, and some remarkable productive day.

but more than I can say, covid-19 is somehow both blessing and curse upon us. for once, we knew how important the nurses & doctors are. we would never know that a tiny microorganisms could affect us badly like what it did.

but count our blessings to that this period allows us to take a moment and make necessary check-up calls, asking our beloved ones being.

ramadan day -1, be grateful.

20191220

last, maybe?

i guess, this would be the right time to look back of what have been done and what's next for next year
can anyone at my age believe that, 2020 is actually coming, in less than 10 days?
i remembered when i was very young, i used to buy a malaysian comic called, "kawan"
the comic used to have a series of how our country shall look like in 2020 with all kinds of technology we could imagine then, like flying cars etc. but, for 20 years later, some may have come true
some, are still the same old, same mindset

2019, is a year of loss for me.
i lost nonet on may, then tok aki in august, followed by maktok in september
i lost my phone to technology disruption
i lost and gain some friends too
at certain point of time, i thought i'm losing my mind as well

but i guess, it's in human's nature to be capable of surviving
and having the power of will to move forward

the diving expedition and explore shall continue

a couple of good news starts blooming towards year end

so, shall 2020 be a great year?

insya Allah, it will be. :)

20191110

you don't need to read this. for real..

i have been serving the organization for close to two years 6 months now. that is the new record based on my employment history. never have i ever thought i could ever make it or stay in any organization for more than 2 years.

in this two years, i must say, there were ups and downs. the norms when you allow people to be close to you only to discover their capability of backstabbing you, then the more you know people, the more of their cards you can see. and the most scariest part is letting people to see you, in the real you.

some of the people who have known me outside of my work environment may agree to this statement that i am not the same at work.

i am much more vulnerable outside.

however, i must tell, you cannot expect the best of both in the working environment. most of the time, you gotta check your reality and make the calls accordingly.

i have been having so many attempts trying to write things down, be it here or in my diary. but i always ended up either watching netflix, or browsing the social media uncontrollably. ]

let me try to see if i can at least post something beneficial here. or else, just another random rambling and rants.

'till, then.

front seat,